LET’S HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION!

Living Stones Series: First Published in All Around Old Bridge Publication – August 2020, Pastor Lloyd Pulley

What a great divide we are now seeing in our nation! First, we experienced an unprecedented isolation from a quarantine followed by the extreme racial tensions over the horrific killing of George Floyd. This fueled a destructive uprising managed by admittedly-Marxist organizers apparently lurking for such an opportunity. Monuments then came under attack accompanied by shouts of, "Tear it all down!". It all seems reminiscent of Russia’s communist revolution and many suspect much of this is planned by special interests to affect the upcoming election.

Where are the majority of cooler heads in this moment? Few are being heard above the noise. Many are just silent while some are being silenced. Yet despite the vast media rhetoric, there are honest heartfelt conversations actually happening. But it just seems level-headed thoughts are not getting the attention they deserve. Perhaps we need to take the time to really listen to those around us.

I have greatly benefitted from conversations with individuals who hold views different from mine. Notice I said "individuals." I’ve learned the hard way that you can’t talk to a mob and categorizing people only breaks communication down. Sadly, we all do it. We stereotype and assign ill motives. We judge based upon popular opinion and avoid personal engagement that might actually bridge the divide between us. We could learn much from the Bible’s book of Proverbs regarding communication, particularly in chapter 18.

This writing of Solomon depicts a distinct difference between the wise and the foolish. The wise are more apt to be patient, to listen, and even to admit their own personal biases; the fool however blusters with great confidence, completely oblivious to any self-doubt. Here are some standout proverbs we could take into any human exchange:

"A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart." (Proverbs 18:2)

There is a reason we have two ears and one mouth. Yet when someone is outraged or particularly obnoxious, they seem to be rewarded by more "clicks" on their salacious posts. This means more money, and almost always guarantees that an honest and calm conversation probably won’t be noticed amid the noise. Even in ordinary conversation, we have all witnessed "ego speak", where two people pretend to listen to each other only long enough to respond.

Notice Proverbs 18:6-8, "A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calls for blows. A fool’s mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul. The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, and they go down into the inmost body."

Words are powerful tools for good or evil. Words can stir up unrest and violence. Some specialize in slander, talebearing and criticism. When they see a wrong, they are quick to tear down instead of build-up. The wise seek to bring peace, while the foolish always leave a wake of destruction.

But probably the area where we are most guilty is seen in Proverbs 18:13, "He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him."

This hit close to home with me recently when a friend took issue with me when I spoke of the "Defund the Police" movement as an example of lawlessness. I needed to hear out what his point was instead of just dismissing it. I learned he thought the movement was only redirecting some funding to others in areas police have little training. I concurred saying that I was once a volunteer police chaplain and was asked by the police to see if I could help a man threatening suicide. The police had been over an hour trying to convince this man to come down out of a tree. With the little bit of training I had, the issue was quickly addressed, and he came down in a few minutes. I noted that the police did act wisely by recognizing they needed a different skillset and called for a police chaplain. I also heard my friend’s personal issues with past racial biases.

We both benefited from this open and honest understanding. I benefited by recognizing the need to perhaps support police or employ volunteers in some areas. He benefited by seeing authority is often reasonable, even if there are a few bad eggs found in all sectors, even in religion. Sadly, the bad eggs get most of the press. I was also reminded many of my friends still get hit with racial biases. He recognized how this pain was being used by radicals to foment violence, bringing more racial divide.

Instead of getting jaded as to whether there are really any genuinely good people, we spoke and understood each other. It’s always wise to take the time to listen. These are useful lessons for us all. Not just from Proverbs, but all throughout the Bible, we learn of the sinful nature of the human heart, but more importantly of the saving power of Jesus Christ. The Bible is so much more than most think!